Honoring Death

The year 2007 was filled with many deaths. I lost my stepmother, a friend, my cat, and our rabbit. Every death came with its lessons, grief and celebration. Yesterday marked one year since my step mother passed away. It was interesting to see how differently each member of my family reacted — or purposely avoided the subject. In her last months, her slow death from Parkinson’s brought family together in their home in a way that otherwise would likely not have happened. I got to know her son better and spend time with my sister, long-lost uncles and aunts. Having moved away from my home town just after college, I rarely saw any of them until I began the every-other-month visits to help care for her and my father. As I was growing up, she always worked in subtle ways to protect the family and bring us together. She never made me feel like a stepchild, but instead embraced me for who I was. She made sure my visits to their house were filled with treats I wasn’t allowed at home. For me, even in her death she gave me the gift of connecting to my roots again. I know her and see her now in a way that I never truly appreciated when I was younger. I hope my words of thanks to her in her last few months of life were understood, even though the dementia had set in. Doris, I honor you.