The Audit Saga Continues…

I have found myself having to use words that no American ever wants to have to pass over their lips, “I am being audited by the IRS”. It is hard for me to imagine myself in this position for the second time, especially because I’m one of those conservative, honest types. You know, the kind that wishes they could color outside of the lines, but their conforming nature would never allow such abandon. Yeah. Sad but true. I don’t color outside of the lines, and I don’t lie on my taxes.

Anyway, the first time I was audited was several years ago, and I must say it was not that unpleasant or difficult. They sent me a letter, I sent them a copy of my records to prove the deduction I’d taken was legitimate, and they sent me a nice letter saying they’d accepted the documents and that my taxes were deemed accurate.

This time the IRS is again questioning a deduction. Now that I found my records for 2006 (see my blog, ”The Audit”), it would seem an easy thing to send proof of the deduction in the nice-but-too-small envelope they provided. Oh, if it could only be so simple. The thing that would prove my deduction beyond a doubt requires a government agency to provide a letter stating that they paid money, on our behalf, to a particular individual. Due to the privacy laws, the government can only supply a letter stating the bank and account number they sent the funds to. Yeah. The government is auditing me on something I cannot get proof of because of the government’s privacy law. Yes, I know they are different agencies, factions… whatever…, but I still find it ironic.

Okay, so I called the IRS to solve this by asking a simple question: Can’t they just look at the other person’s tax return and see that they claimed the money as income? Uh…aren’t they the IRS and have access? You know, look at my tax return and see the deduction, look at the other person’s return and see the income….and viola! Proof positive. The guy at the IRS said, “Well, of course we will do that as part of our investigation.” So answer me this. Why not do that and avoid having to send an audit letter in the first place????

The Audit

It all started when I was shredding old papers, including out-of-date taxes. I admit that I try to do too many things and once and may have been a little distracted during the shredding process, since I was also rearranging the files in the filing cabinet, cleaning out the closet in the den and having a conversation with my father at the same time. It was near the end of last year, and I had set an appointment to go to my CPA to get a preliminary look at our 2007 taxes. When I went to the filing cabinet to get the 2006 taxes to take along…they, along with every year but 2005, were missing! You can only imagine my panic as I thought back to the evil shredding day. Could I possibly have been so distracted in my multi-tasking that I shredded them all by mistake? The next thought to cross my mind was, “Oh no. Please don’t let me get audited.” As soon as I had the thought, I knew I needed to get it out of my mind or all I would do is draw that nasty reality to myself, but I just couldn’t stop thinking how horrible it would be to get audited on tax records I couldn’t find — or even worse, may have shredded! Sure enough — one month later I got notified I was being audited for 2006, and those papers were at large. I panicked, cried, screamed, and said some words that I didn’t even know I knew. Time passed and the tears subsided. That’s when I went on my mission to find the dang dawg things. There is no way I’m a bad multi-tasker. I’m too practiced at it. However, I am also practiced at being distracted — and am a little too good at that. Turns out I had put all the tax records, except for 2005, into a separate file box. I didn’t put the 2005 records in there because they were in a legal size folder and it was too long to fit!!! I barely remember doing any of this, but what a relief! Now I have my records and just have to prove to the government that I did nothing wrong. I wonder how that will go?? I think I’ll forego multi-tasking when I put together my response.

Clutter, Clutter, Everywhere….

I’ve never liked clutter, but it seems that it likes me. I find myself blaming my family for the clutter in my home because surely I couldn’t produce such a horrific sight. Then I look at my office, which is always a disaster, and no one else works in here but me. How could they? There’s no room. So, I’m on a mission to eliminate the clutter in both my home and office.

Clutter does more than just make my environment look messy and disorganized. It also affects my ability to think, act and be clear. Practitioners of Feng Shui believe that the location of your clutter has a dramatic effect on the area of your life that location represents. Although I’m not a practitioner of Feng Shui, I have certainly found that clearing clutter in my home and office in the areas that relate to money and relationships has had a profound effect on those areas of my life. Whether that occurred because I imagined it would or if there is really something behind the practice is immaterial. The results were tangible.

When I have clutter in my house, it makes me feel heavy, encumbered and even lethargic or depressed. Clutter in my office can be distracting — both to me and anyone who visits me here — and it definitely slows productivity.

To help me get rid of clutter, I went on a mission I call “A Bag A Day”. I used a 12-gallon kitchen trash bag and forced myself to fill it with trash or with items to donate. I committed to filling one bag and remove it from the house each day. At first this didn’t seem to make much of a difference, but after 2 weeks, I was amazed at how much less cluttered the house appeared. In fact it inspired me to take on the garage and then the den. It feels good to clear the place of the unnecessary stuff that was only serving to bog me down. Granted, the clutter always threatens to invade again, but I’m now armed with a 12-gallon bag and a desire to fight back.

The Need to Be Right

The need to be right or to win is a “need” I’ve had for a long time. Some of this perceived need probably stems from an innate sense of survival, but it also is a result of what I’ve have been exposed to throughout my life. I think the same is true for everyone. The best performers in school get the better jobs. The winners of the baseball game get the prize. The best grades get the higher income. The examples are numerous and supported by the commercials we see, the recognition we receive when we win, and often even the children’s stories we read as kids. Being right often becomes more important than anything else. For me it has come close to costing relationships I really do not want to end.

Sparring is a part of my martial arts training. When I spar, my Type A personality often shows up and fights to win. It is humbling for me to remember that I fight better when I’m trying to do my best and not when I’m trying to win.

Knowing why I need to be right has helped me to begin to make a change in this not-always-wanted behavior. When I recognize that I am acting or reacting a certain way simply because I am driven to be right, I try to ask myself what is driving the behavior and why I believe I absolutely must be right. Am I afraid of the consequences of being wrong? Am I concerned I might be ridiculed, teased or rejected? Am I worried that I will leave myself vulnerable for attack? Actually, I guess all of these are reasons behind my behavior. The ironic thing is that acting like I’m right causes these things I fear.

Not proving I am correct does not mean I am not right. It just means that I don’t have to engage in a debate about it. Instead I’m trying harder to save the need to defend my position for the really important issues.

Learning to Let Go

As a sword instructor, I know that I will only truly be the best I can be in my art when I learn to let go and get out of the way of myself, my perceived limitations, and the worries that bog me down. Staying in a state of No Mind, where I can let go of the incessant chit-chat inside my head has been a constant struggle for me. My logical mind has served me well in most everything I have done, yet I must have the trust and faith that letting it go will only make me better in the sword arts – and everything else for that matter! Trusting that I can function successfully without its help is easy to say but hard to actually accomplish. There are the good days when it all falls in place, and I let my body react intuitively. I feel good on those days and end them believing that I’ve finally conquered the long awaited ability to act and react without relying on slowness of my thought process. I bask in the tremendous feeling of success and accomplishment that in the past so often eluded me. Then another day begins, and I’m back to behaving the same old, comfortable way. I guess I’m thankful that I still have a lot to learn about learning to let go. The alternative does not seem very appealing.